26/09/16: Abandoned playing card #5: five of hearts

Marsh Wall, E14. Latest in an ongoing series. According to internet wisdom: "The people born with this Card tend to seek, then change, then experiment, then scatter their forces to the wind. When their position in the charts brings obstacles and difficulties, they often blame it on their environment or associations, and they fondly imagine they can escape it all by moving on. Socially, the 5 of Heart are oh so vibrant, fun, and full of spit and vinegar! On the inside however, their quandaries tax their health and leave them gasping for air."

22/09/16: Abandoned union

Abandoned EU, abandoned hope, abandoned common sense. Stuck on the floor of Camden Town underground station was this relic from a more innocent era, when sane Londoners assumed that the British would never be as stupid as to vote out of the EU.

10/09/16: Abandoned dolly

Injecting a little bit of glamour into North Finchley was this reclining, pink-dressed beauty.

07/09/16: Abandoned bear #2

Totteridge. The latest cruelly abandoned bear (see HERE for other tragic specimens). This one needed fairly urgent attention.

01/09/16: Abandoned sausages

Millwall Dock, E14, just by the waterside. Mmmmm!

25/08/16: Abandoned soldiers

Still in Swanage. These two soldiers were at the edge of the beach. One was in better shape than the other...

24/08/16: Abandoned fake plastic tree

Swanage, Dorset. 'Fake Plastic Trees' is a song by Radiohead from their 1995 LP The Bends. As soon as I saw this, I was singing those sad lyrics to myself: "He used to do surgery / For girls in the eighties / But gravity always wins."

20/08/16: Abandoned toaster

East Barnet. Looked in fairly good condition.

15/07/16: Abandoned playing card #4: two of hearts

Spotted in a Whetstone driveway. Latest in a series. According to our old friend "the internet": "People born with the 2 of Heart as their birthday card believe that life is just not meant to be lived alone. Period. Yet, with all their analyzing and experimentations in love, they often end up losing sight of the very thing they need the most! 2 of Heart people have terrific work ethics and are very clever. The biggest problem is their constant fear of debt and financial burden; a fear for the most part, unfounded. This is one of the 'swing cards', changing places with the ever curious Ace of Club. Hence an inherent conflict between their compelling need for emotional security, and their ever challenging need to know!"

10/07/16: Abandoned playing card #3: five of clubs

Boots and Waitrose car park, Whetstone. This is the latest in a series. Internet nonsense states: "Learning through experience is an accurate description of the Five of Clubs, a gatherer of all life has to offer. Adventurous to the core, much is gained through discovery, exploring new places and researching new ideas. Restlessness is a common denominator of all Fives, but the Five of Clubs is perhaps the most restless of them all." Famous five-of-clubs people apparently include: Al Gore, Andre Agassi, Uma Thurman, Henry Kissinger, Monica Lewinsky, Eminem and Evel Knievel.

09/07/16: Abandoned cat #3

Woodside Grove, N12. Trying to stay positive, despite being run over. Other lost cats in the area can be found HERE.

07/07/16: Abandoned playing card #2: six of diamonds

Just off Marsh Wall, E14. According to the internet, "The Six of Diamonds person is a natural accountant of sorts. They are aware of how much they give compared to how much value they receive in exchange. Their mantra is “As you sow, so shall you reap!” The universe seems to hold them accountable with swift rebalancing of the scales when they are out of integrity and honor. They are just as swift to mete out justice if they feel they’ve been wronged."

06/07/16: Abandoned firearm #3

Millwall Dock, E14. More weapons HERE.

06/07/16: Abandoned melons

Millwall Dock, E14.

06/07/16: Abandoned creature #10

Millwall Dock, E14. Cat? Rabbit? Cat-rabbit? More creatures HERE.

28/06/16: Abandoned playing card: seven of spades

Thames Quay, E14. A single playing card seems enigmatic – portentous, even. I googled the seven of spades and learned that: "As one of the most spiritual cards in the deck, the Seven of Spades is here to learn faith and trust, particularly in the areas of their health and their work. Influenced by their Jupiter/Neptune position in the Master Spirit Script, they need to focus on higher values in order to receive the blessings available to them. Life’s reality does challenge their high ideals from time to time, thus the need for faith and trust."

28/06/16: Abandoned football

Totteridge. Last night England was defeated 2–1 by Iceland in Euro 2016, adding insult to Brexit injury. This morning I found this tiny football abandoned in the gutter. Co-incidence?

26/06/16: Abandoned cat #2

Totteridge. The second abandoned cat in just one week. This poor feline was crumpled by the roadside in the gutter after a brutal collision. Did the callous driver stop to call for help? Clearly not. But despite sustaining serious injuries, the little fellow seemed cheerful enough.

20/06/16: Abandoned cat

Totteridge. Hello Kitty? Goodbye Kitty, more like. This poor puss had been abandoned next to Dollis Brook. At least no one tried to drown her, like in the bad old days of unwanted cats.

17/06/16: Abandoned sandwich

Totteridge. You often see half-eaten sandwiches. It's rare to see one completely intact.

17/06/16: Abandoned Ryanair plane

South Quay Walk, E14. This has really put me off flying with Ryanair.

11/06/16: Abandoned creature #9

Whetstone Waitrose car park. Species unknown.

31/05/15: Abandoned firearm #2

Granby Terrace, NW1. "Water Blaster 3000". How strange to find a second weapon in the same location as the first abandoned firearm. Obviously a dangerous street to live in.

29/05/16: Abandoned princess pendant #2

Totteridge. After finding two Disney princess pendants in just one week I have decided to collect them.

27/05/16: Abandoned princess pendant

Mornington Street, NW1. This may be the same woman spotted near Camden Arts Centre, NW3. In fact, they may both be representations of Cinderella. In a weird modern-day parallel of that story, I tried to track her down via the internet (instead of via her glass slipper). It was not possible to confirm her identify for sure, but there's definitely some kind of princess/Disney thing about this little lady.

26/05/16: Abandoned "Andrea" bracelet

Oakleigh Road North, N20. Andrea, you have lost your bracelet! Andrea?

23/05/16: Abandoned T-shirt

Granby Terrace, NW1 (near Mornington Crescent). The "Keep calm" fad very quickly became tiresome to behold – then it continued and continued until it was deeply annoying. Wisely, someone else realised this and left their "Keep calm and smoke weed" T-shirt on the side of a railway bridge. Let's just hope it was a happy embrace of topless abandon, rather than their final act before jumping into the path of an oncoming train.

21/05/16: Abandoned elephant

East Barnet. There have been many ambiguous creatures found so far, but this little chap was the first elephant.

15/05/16: Abandoned creature #8

Whetstone, outside the Sequoia nightclub. Along with a key and a badge with "Valerie" on it, I found this creature. Debate rages re: whether it is a hedgehog, bush baby or some kind of hybrid of the two. Then again, it may well not be zoologically accurate.

14/05/16: Abandoned cassette #3

East Barnet. "So Fresh Summer", distributed by "RELAX-IN EGYPT". Unlikely to play.

09/05/16: Abandoned shoe #2

Someone left this fetching footwear on the bridge that divides Totteridge from Whetstone. But who does it belong to? It's like a plastic, less glamorous version of the Cinderella story.

09/05/16: Abandoned Minion #2

Whetstone. His friend was spotted a while back in East Barnet – oddly enough, also left on a window sill.

05/05/16: Abandoned bridge

NW3, just over the road from the abandoned lady. Wanted to take this for my cat to sit on and walk across, but there were too many splinters.

08/05/16: Abandoned blonde

Near Camden Arts Centre, NW3. Is she a princess? Or just a regular lady? Unconcerned with social status, I took her home with me anyway.

30/04/16: Abandoned number plate #4

Waitrose car park, North Finchley.

29/04/16: Abandoned decency

Camden Town.

25/04/16: Abandoned mattress

Longford Street, NW1. While flytipping is disgraceful, I find myself almost admiring the resourcefulness of someone who goes to the effort of forcing a mattress into a phone box. It can't have been easy.

13/04/16: Abandoned theory test book

Whetstone. Abandoned because the test was passed and the book no longer needed? Or abandoned because official theory for car drivers proved too tricky to continue with? Let's hope it was the former. One of the Amazon reviews of The Official Theory Test for Car Drivers reads as follows: "Unless you can't read, or are really, really stupid, you can't fail your theory test after reading this book. It has ALL possible questions with all the answers, and can be read the day before your test with ease. I'd say it's almost like cheating. I got 35/35 in and completed the test in 4 mins. You can't go wrong!!"

16/03/16: Abandoned tail

Drummond Street, NW1. Disturbing.

11/03/16: Abandoned walking stick

It's not often that you see an abandoned walking stick, but here's one in a bin in Regent’s Park. Was this thrown away following some kind of miracle in which a disability vanished? Or has some hideous crime been committed?

07/03/16: Abandoned big foot

"Big foot" is a mythological simian or hominid-like creature said to inhabit dense forests in the Pacific Northwest. Who would have thought it was loitering just off Drummond Street, NW1?

26/02/16: Abandoned creature #7

Stanhope Street, NW1. Hanging from a railing.

24/02/16: Abandoned 18

Totteridge. A chunky metal "18". When turned over it looks like a face.

20/02/16: Abandoned octopus

East Barnet. Didn't look too healthy.

12/02/16: Abandoned knickers #3

Ripped/ripped-off knickers in the road next to Regent's Park. Draw your own conclusions.

12/02/16: Abandoned fish

A skip in Totteridge. Surprisingly cheerful for a fish out of water.

07/02/16: Abandoned creature #6

Boots and Waitrose car park, Whetstone. What is this uncomfortable-looking creature? A genetically modified penguin, perhaps?

30/01/16: Abandoned clown

At the top of Totteridge Lane, opposite Boots. Endearing or sinister?

19/01/16: Abandoned A to Z

Railway bridge, West Finchley. This map book was frozen solid so that only the page for Chingford could be used.

31/12/15: Abandoned creature #5

Woodside Park. A turtle perhaps?